That Which We Don't Have
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day 1491: As much as she likes their secret relationship, sometimes all Rachel wishes she could do is that she and Quinn might get to have a proper public date. - Runaway Bride series


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 70th cycle. Now cycle 71!_

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**"That Which We Don't Have"  
Rachel/Quinn  
Runaway Bride series  
_(no listing yet; sequel to Take to Heart)_  
**

Having things the way they wanted them had meant having rules. They had agreed together to keep their relationship a secret, at least for the time being. Of course now there were two people who knew, beyond their parents, but seeing as those people were Santana and Brittany, and they had both sworn they wouldn't breathe a word of it, it was as good as saying that no one knew, and that was how they were going to keep it until they were ready.

There were more than enough reasons why this present arrangement was preferable and had been enjoyable all along. They didn't have to worry about what anyone might have to say. They were all too familiar with how people could be, and with Quinn being who she was and Rachel being who she was, the day it would be revealed that the two of them were now an item, they were going to have to brace themselves for a wave of idiocy thrown their way. And seeing as the other benefit to keeping this secret was that they could enjoy the thrill of that secrecy, it only made them more prone to stay quiet.

But just as there were benefits, there were some not so enjoyable sides. Rachel had not had that many relationships in her lifetime but, boy or girl, she knew how happy she'd been to see the person she was with at the time, and to allow herself to smile, to quicken her step toward them, to hold their hand, to kiss them, publicly and without holding back. She would do this with Quinn in a heartbeat. But…

When she would see Quinn, at school especially, there would always be a moment, like a switch off. She would see her, and the instinct would be to do the 'girlfriend thing,' which was to smile, to go to her, maybe kiss her hello. And then as quick and without thought as it would come, she would have to stop and remember she wasn't supposed to do that, not if they were going to continue seeing each other in secret. She hated having to do it, and she knew Quinn didn't care for it either, but they kept strong, for each other, and for the reasons they had established.

Because as bad as it could be to have to pretend, to stop each other from doing what wanted to come naturally, it really was worth it. Behind closed doors, they were happy, happier than they had ever been. They were in love, and they knew it, had admitted it.

It had happened, the first time, a couple of weeks before. They'd been at Quinn's house, studying, and as was bound to happen, when they let their minds wander, the books had come to be forgotten for the benefit of thinning out the space in between them. Quinn had Rachel pinned to the bed and was kissing her way down an ever widening path, as she popped one button of her girlfriend's blouse and continued to kiss down until she had to pop the next button. She had a single button left when there was a knock at the door, and they froze. Judy Fabray had not come in, but she'd asked if Rachel would stay for dinner, which Rachel agreed to, trying to keep her voice from breaking into a laugh, as the ends of Quinn's hair were tickling her stomach. They'd waited until Judy had left, and then they'd both burst out laughing, as Quinn pulled Rachel into her arms. And then it had slipped out of her lips, like one single breath. _I love you._

They'd paused, both surprised, one that she'd said it, the other that she'd heard it. And then Rachel had smiled, looking back at her. _I love you, too._

Sometimes, when she needed something to smile about, she still heard Quinn's voice in her mind's ear, speaking those three words. It had been said a few times since, but none would ever be as special as that first one.

And that was why she was finding it harder and harder not to have those regular things she should be able to have with the girl… the girl she loved. They'd had dates, yes, but they'd never felt like real ones, the kind where they actually went out instead of staying in.

That was what she wanted, more than anything right now. She wanted to go out on a date with her girlfriend, a date at a restaurant, a date where maybe they went to see a movie, and they held hands, maybe had a bit of kissing… She wanted to bask in love.

Maybe they couldn't have it both ways, a real date and their secret intact, but they could find a way to the middle ground, couldn't they? Yes, if anyone could, it would be her. She was Rachel Berry, and Rachel Berry always found a way to get what she wanted. She would get them a date, outside the safety of her house, or Quinn's house, but she would also keep their precious secrecy as it should be, for however long they decided.

The next thing she knew, she had a notepad and a pen going furiously together to map out her options. She was going to surprise her. Tell her to put on something nice, even though that could be anything when it came to Quinn, and ask her to meet her somewhere, the mall, probably, because where else would they go? Quinn would show up, having no idea what was about to happen, and then Rachel would be there, and she would tell her. And when Quinn would figure out why they were there, she would be happy. At least she hoped she would be. This could all go horribly wrong, but she didn't think it would. No, nothing was going to make her good mood dissipate. She had a date to get to with the truest true love of her life.

THE END/TO BE CONTINUED (DAY 1512)

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******A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
************always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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